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CONSCIOUS PARENTING

BIRTHING

BIRTHING

Holy shit, that was a serious ride. I’ll get back to the lead up to the birth at another time but right now I want to just cut to the real deal. The real deal of birth. Of evolution. Of life. Of one human coming out of another human – right in front of your eyes. Yes, indeed, holy shit! A seriously amazing, beautiful, raw, incredibly gob-smacking adventure into the desire that lies within the human soul to continue it’s wild and whacky journey on this beautiful ever-giving planet.

This experience is certainly like no other and not one to be treated with anything but upmost respect, honour and appreciation. To my wife, Erica and all you mothers out there, past, present and future, hats off to you. You are powerful. You are mighty. You are a vessel of subsistence. The vessels of love that carries humanity onwards. Thank you, I love you.

So Erica tugged on my arm at 11:30pm with a gasping call of “it’s happening” and there I was. Having been asleep from her suggested “good idea” since 9pm, the force of nature was now in full swing. The sounding of mother earth harmonising out of Erica and into the stillness of our bedroom was like nothing else I had experienced. Loud. Primal. Powerful. The sounding of true, raw and honest human force. More beautiful than a sacred gong, more powerful that an oceans thunderous roar, and more piercing to every atom in the atmosphere that shook and resonated as she sung this primal resonance through her body and out into the universe.

At one point the sound became more of a scream, but only for a split second, when Erica said “No..” and returned the sounding back to the base of her spine, getting out of her head and back to what would benefit every women in labour, so I understand.

Erica was not to be silent, she was not to feel shy or nervous in her environment, she was not to worry whether anyone else could hear her or not. No, she was free. Free to do whatever was necessary to bring this human head out of the opening between her legs – how that actually happens still to this day, I am gobsmacked.

We consciously chose to have a home-birth, to ensure that Erica felt safe within her environment. I learnt through some talks I watched that if a birthing mother does not feel safe, her brain does not excrete with ease the necessary chemicals of which include oxytocin (the hormone of love), endorphins (hormones of pleasure and transcendence), and prolactin (the mothering hormone) that make the birthing continue at its necessary pace. In fact if the women does not feel safe, and her mind is fearful there is a chain of biological events in the body that prepare the body for flight and direct the muscles to freeze, or flee, which is definitely not want you want when a human head is trying to emerge out of a uterus. So my wife, not being a fan of hospitals chose to feel safe and sound at our home in the forest.

How did I feel about this home birth idea?

Shit scared to start, but we often fear what we don’t understand so I had to take some quiet contemplation to understand where this fear came from. I read some books, watch some birthing video’s and learnt what I should have learnt many many years ago. After all is birth not the most magnificent and amazing thing a human can do. Think about it, what have we created on this earth that even nearly compares to what a women’s body builds when she is developing another human form inside of her. Nothing even comes close. One human, creating another human inside their body without any thought whatsoever. Holy shit – its a miracle.  It’s an absolutely astounding miracle that the woman’s body knows how to do this. And we think the brain is clever – get real – the body is where it is at. The body is way more intelligent than the brain – I’m working on this everyday to stop my mind thinking it is all so wonderful and trying to once again understand the communication of my body and my heart. After all, science now tells us the hearts electromagnetic impulses are much stronger than the brains… so heart heart dear heart, how do I use you!

So what did I discover?

I discovered that I was led to believe that birthing is unsafe. I was led to believe that “medical professionals” are needed. I was led to believe that a women did not know how to birth and therefore she needed a doctor there to ensure she was doing everything right. I was led to believe that Erica and I should hand over our power. However this was all to be proven completely incorrect.

When I watched the pregnancy process unravel what I witnessed was a support network of women who believed in Erica’s ability to birth our baby come forth and connect with her. I witnessed “women’s business” conversations, massages, meditations, bodywork, books and sharings that to me were completely foreign and I didn’t even know existed. Like the information of a secret rites of passage passed down from generation to generation by words and action rather than textbooks and testing.  I mean women’s bodies create a brain, heart, lungs, arms, legs, complex vein systems and the list goes on – couldn’t a women’s body that has been fed love by her partner, fed support from those who’ve had this experience and fed the inherent millennial stored cellular wisdom of being a women, bring a baby earth side without a hospital setting?

When I thought about it deeply, yes I could feel safe and have trust that we could birth our baby at home, and so our decision was made.

So why do we fear birth so much?

Even that my brain couldn’t figure that out and I had to get out of my head and into my heart throughout this process, ensuring I kept the faith that her body knew exactly what to do. Holy shit it was scary, but her body did it. It birthed a human. A baby girl at 4:46am on January 6, 2016 at home.

We welcomed this little being into our arms. I sung her a song that I made up early in the pregnancy and sung throughout the pregnancy, and she looked intently into my eyes and just listened. My heart reached further around the earth than it ever had before and Erica’s energy flew higher than the clouds in the sky.

We lay in our bed for the next four hours, until we fell asleep, as rays of life from the glorious sunshine peeped past the edges of the blinds, arms wrapped around this new creature who was still residing within the fine realms of life in matter and life in spirit. Soaking in an energy of pure stillness and calm, of awe and beauty, of astonishment and happiness, just soaking in the most amazing experience that had become part of my life.

I felt a strong urge to ground her on this earth on day 2 or 3 i think it was, so I placed her bare little scrunchy feet on the dirt outside our back patio. I thought this earth that provides so much for us could, and would, also like to welcome her to her bosom of interconnected life. I must admit however I did go outside and get some of mother earth’s soil on day one and place it like the Indian culture do with bindi’s – smack bang in the middle of her third eye. Why so – i’m not too sure, it just felt like the right thing to do, and you gotta go with feelings when they are motivated by love and connection right?

So, this earth now had a new lover, a new carer, a new companion to create ripples of love out into the atmosphere with, and what a joy it was to see this first feet to earth connection for a proud new papa.

As the day passed and the one after that, and the one after that too, I repeatedly said to Erica how grateful I was that we chose to birth at home. We didn’t have to leave the house, we didn’t have to get in a car, we didn’t have to sign anything, or be told what the medical profession says should happen next. No, we could just soak in the magic of birth, in our home for as long as we desired.

This new human was to only experience a place of calm connected love for her first days and weeks in this world of many faces. There was no trauma, no stress, no crying for in fact weeks.  She only experienced being wrapped in a cocoon of love within our own house and our own welcoming arms.

For this, I am forever grateful. The impact this initial welcoming had for this new human and her neurological brain structure will never be known, but I’m positive it could not be any more love filled and peaceful.

THE FORGOTTEN SPIRITUALITY OF LEARNING

THE FORGOTTEN SPIRITUALITY OF LEARNING

“There is a dance that only you know how to do.”

Do you remember your dance?

Or were you told it was wrong, perhaps a little too wild?

Did you spend your childhood cultivating, refining, laughing, playing with and getting to know your dance? Or were you too busy memorising the dances other told you were the “right” ones to learn?

When thinking of your dance, does it ignite something within you? Does it make your eyes ablaze with passion? Do you want to ACT just to bring this to the physical plain?

Or do you look for those feelings in others, perhaps on TV? Getting a slight hit of their passion, but deep down wishing you could create your own?

I wonder how many of us feel these things?

How many of us in our heart of hearts don’t intimately know ourselves and have stopped believing in the precious and unique dance living inside ourselves? My guess is most of us.

Why? How can we change that? How can we remember?

Heres how I see Planet Earth.

Imagine a beautiful, delicate tapestry that is ever evolving, wanting to keep recreating itself into a more and more beautiful existence. That each and every form on Earth is a thread of this. All perfect, unique and individual and together they create the whole image. It is important that each thread is different so they bring their part of the image to life.

Imagine if they all looked the same?

Each thread plays an important part of creating beauty…… and balance.

Can you see where I am going with this?

Today as a society we fill to the brim (from a heartbreakingly early age) our childrens’ lives with institutions and situations to teach them how to be. We have forgotten the very fundamental foundation of being human…that each and every last one of us is encoded with an important gift to the world. It is our magic. It is our medicine. It is what brings us alive! It is our responsibility to bring it to the physical realms from our dreams. To cultivate it, seek out facilitators and mentors to guide and inspire us and to always do the same for others seeking your wisdom. To pull your weight. To BE what you are here to be!

THIS I believe should be what any form of learning is based upon. BRINGING OUT WHAT IS WITHIN.

We are taught from the beginning that what is within is not important, wrong or something to be ashamed of. Shame is what keeps so many adults locked into a life that lacks vital force, vibrancy and doesn’t fully reflect our inner most gifts. It is no mystery really as to why this is….

We are told as children: when to eat, what to eat, where to play, when to play, if or if not what we choose to play is safe, when to be creative, how to write, what to read, a history that isn’t relevant to us and isn’t entirely true, whether we are good at something (even though we didn’t request an opinion), whether we are good enough to continue (regardless of whether we enjoy it or not), when to sleep, when to wake, what to wear, how to wear our hair, to wear shoes, to be afraid, to have “good” manners, that the “wild” woods are unsafe, not to run on cement, to not get dirty, to be “good”, bla bla blaaaa the list goes on!!!

What part of any of that reflects or nurtures our individuality? What part of any of that teaches us that we can trust ourselves?

“TRUST CHILDREN. Nothing could be more simple or more difficult. Difficult because to trust children we must first trust ourselves, and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted.” ~ John Holt

Each day there are so many opportunities to encourage our children’s inner trust. Feed a baby when she is hungry, instead of on a schedule. Trust his instincts when he wants to sleep with you and not in a dark room on his own. Facilitate your child’s own interests and passions. Be the one who says “Go for it!” If they want to wear board-shorts on a cold day, let them. We can have no idea how they feel or what the underlying reason is. Only hindsight grants us that wisdom.

Let them form their own deep relationship with mother nature, the very essence and material they are made of. Let them make mistakes. And where possible start this when they are young, when you are around to silently hold space for them to correct themselves. Even more importantly, notice what goes on inside yourself as you allow your child to learn naturally. Hear the inner voices but don’t react from them.

This is where the “spiritual journey of the parent” really kicks in!

Notice what comes up for YOU and own it.

I wonder how often we ask children to alter what they are choosing so that WE feel more comfortable, when instead we could simply sit with our discomfort and be the learner rather than the governor of someone else’s ability to choose? In the end the whole idea that children are the “learners” and that adults “know” seems preposterous!! This deeply engrained belief is the cornerstone of self doubt in many of us, and then slowly but surely our own dance fades away.

BUT……It never ever dies completely!!!!!

Please, please, parents and adults of the world remember your dance!

The Earth is waiting!!!

Find the courage to live it….little step by little step. Each step enlivens you and brings your gifts into the physical tapestry of life.

Each child who sees you living your passions courageously, despite your fears will do the same. When they watch you ACT from your heart in the face of adversity, they will do the same. When they watch you feel into your hardships, release, cry and then transmute them, they will do the same. When they see you laugh loudly, dance wildly and act from integrity, they will do the same.

And my god, can you imagine what a world we could create!!!

Kids who don’t fit in.

Kids who don’t fit in.

 

This is a subject particularly close to my heart. Children who do not fit into any of the existing systems. Discussing with with one of the worlds leading experts in this field whom happens to be the warmest, most open, hilarious and loving woman was such a pleasure. Thank you Mary Rodwell!

 

Parenting with Presence | Marion Rose | Luminous Youth

New moon Blessings!!!!

I think I missed some over Solstice period so I have two offerings this New moon to make up for it!!!!

This first is with the wonderful Marion Rose. She has written for many different publications including “Kindred” magazine and has inspired and helped us to understand the journey of parenthood or caring for others children as a deeply transformative spiritual opportunity.

Marion also has some online workshops very soon.

Check out the links under video for more info.

So thankful.

Enjoy and share far and wide!!!

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