Holy shit, that was a serious ride. I’ll get back to the lead up to the birth at another time but right now I want to just cut to the real deal. The real deal of birth. Of evolution. Of life. Of one human coming out of another human – right in front of your eyes. Yes, indeed, holy shit! A seriously amazing, beautiful, raw, incredibly gob-smacking adventure into the desire that lies within the human soul to continue it’s wild and whacky journey on this beautiful ever-giving planet.
This experience is certainly like no other and not one to be treated with anything but upmost respect, honour and appreciation. To my wife, Erica and all you mothers out there, past, present and future, hats off to you. You are powerful. You are mighty. You are a vessel of subsistence. The vessels of love that carries humanity onwards. Thank you, I love you.
So Erica tugged on my arm at 11:30pm with a gasping call of “it’s happening” and there I was. Having been asleep from her suggested “good idea” since 9pm, the force of nature was now in full swing. The sounding of mother earth harmonising out of Erica and into the stillness of our bedroom was like nothing else I had experienced. Loud. Primal. Powerful. The sounding of true, raw and honest human force. More beautiful than a sacred gong, more powerful that an oceans thunderous roar, and more piercing to every atom in the atmosphere that shook and resonated as she sung this primal resonance through her body and out into the universe.
At one point the sound became more of a scream, but only for a split second, when Erica said “No..” and returned the sounding back to the base of her spine, getting out of her head and back to what would benefit every women in labour, so I understand.
Erica was not to be silent, she was not to feel shy or nervous in her environment, she was not to worry whether anyone else could hear her or not. No, she was free. Free to do whatever was necessary to bring this human head out of the opening between her legs – how that actually happens still to this day, I am gobsmacked.
We consciously chose to have a home-birth, to ensure that Erica felt safe within her environment. I learnt through some talks I watched that if a birthing mother does not feel safe, her brain does not excrete with ease the necessary chemicals of which include oxytocin (the hormone of love), endorphins (hormones of pleasure and transcendence), and prolactin (the mothering hormone) that make the birthing continue at its necessary pace. In fact if the women does not feel safe, and her mind is fearful there is a chain of biological events in the body that prepare the body for flight and direct the muscles to freeze, or flee, which is definitely not want you want when a human head is trying to emerge out of a uterus. So my wife, not being a fan of hospitals chose to feel safe and sound at our home in the forest.
How did I feel about this home birth idea?
Shit scared to start, but we often fear what we don’t understand so I had to take some quiet contemplation to understand where this fear came from. I read some books, watch some birthing video’s and learnt what I should have learnt many many years ago. After all is birth not the most magnificent and amazing thing a human can do. Think about it, what have we created on this earth that even nearly compares to what a women’s body builds when she is developing another human form inside of her. Nothing even comes close. One human, creating another human inside their body without any thought whatsoever. Holy shit – its a miracle. It’s an absolutely astounding miracle that the woman’s body knows how to do this. And we think the brain is clever – get real – the body is where it is at. The body is way more intelligent than the brain – I’m working on this everyday to stop my mind thinking it is all so wonderful and trying to once again understand the communication of my body and my heart. After all, science now tells us the hearts electromagnetic impulses are much stronger than the brains… so heart heart dear heart, how do I use you!
So what did I discover?
I discovered that I was led to believe that birthing is unsafe. I was led to believe that “medical professionals” are needed. I was led to believe that a women did not know how to birth and therefore she needed a doctor there to ensure she was doing everything right. I was led to believe that Erica and I should hand over our power. However this was all to be proven completely incorrect.
When I watched the pregnancy process unravel what I witnessed was a support network of women who believed in Erica’s ability to birth our baby come forth and connect with her. I witnessed “women’s business” conversations, massages, meditations, bodywork, books and sharings that to me were completely foreign and I didn’t even know existed. Like the information of a secret rites of passage passed down from generation to generation by words and action rather than textbooks and testing. I mean women’s bodies create a brain, heart, lungs, arms, legs, complex vein systems and the list goes on – couldn’t a women’s body that has been fed love by her partner, fed support from those who’ve had this experience and fed the inherent millennial stored cellular wisdom of being a women, bring a baby earth side without a hospital setting?
When I thought about it deeply, yes I could feel safe and have trust that we could birth our baby at home, and so our decision was made.
So why do we fear birth so much?
Even that my brain couldn’t figure that out and I had to get out of my head and into my heart throughout this process, ensuring I kept the faith that her body knew exactly what to do. Holy shit it was scary, but her body did it. It birthed a human. A baby girl at 4:46am on January 6, 2016 at home.
We welcomed this little being into our arms. I sung her a song that I made up early in the pregnancy and sung throughout the pregnancy, and she looked intently into my eyes and just listened. My heart reached further around the earth than it ever had before and Erica’s energy flew higher than the clouds in the sky.
We lay in our bed for the next four hours, until we fell asleep, as rays of life from the glorious sunshine peeped past the edges of the blinds, arms wrapped around this new creature who was still residing within the fine realms of life in matter and life in spirit. Soaking in an energy of pure stillness and calm, of awe and beauty, of astonishment and happiness, just soaking in the most amazing experience that had become part of my life.
I felt a strong urge to ground her on this earth on day 2 or 3 i think it was, so I placed her bare little scrunchy feet on the dirt outside our back patio. I thought this earth that provides so much for us could, and would, also like to welcome her to her bosom of interconnected life. I must admit however I did go outside and get some of mother earth’s soil on day one and place it like the Indian culture do with bindi’s – smack bang in the middle of her third eye. Why so – i’m not too sure, it just felt like the right thing to do, and you gotta go with feelings when they are motivated by love and connection right?
So, this earth now had a new lover, a new carer, a new companion to create ripples of love out into the atmosphere with, and what a joy it was to see this first feet to earth connection for a proud new papa.
As the day passed and the one after that, and the one after that too, I repeatedly said to Erica how grateful I was that we chose to birth at home. We didn’t have to leave the house, we didn’t have to get in a car, we didn’t have to sign anything, or be told what the medical profession says should happen next. No, we could just soak in the magic of birth, in our home for as long as we desired.
This new human was to only experience a place of calm connected love for her first days and weeks in this world of many faces. There was no trauma, no stress, no crying for in fact weeks. She only experienced being wrapped in a cocoon of love within our own house and our own welcoming arms.
For this, I am forever grateful. The impact this initial welcoming had for this new human and her neurological brain structure will never be known, but I’m positive it could not be any more love filled and peaceful.