Paul and I made a pact that we would alternate giving each other some time in the mornings to meditate/ stretch/ be creative / plan or whatever we feel we need now that our babe is getting older.
I decided I would do meditations and whenever I went down the internet wouldn’t work or something would make that difficult so one day I just closed my eyes and started to go through the different parts of my body and verbally check in with it. To love it up or ask why it is hurting.
I had no expectations but I was so amazed to find out how profound it was!!
It was as though my body said “Ahhhh finally!! ” and poured its heart out to me through feelings, images and words.
To say I’ve expected my body to perform well beyond its capacity in the last few years is a major understatement!
A lot of tears were shed and a new respect for the intelligence of my body is now realised.
So I wanted to share with you want unfolded this particular day as an example. I closed my eyes and began to allow myself to relax. I kind of speak to my body as though it’s another being.
So what I was saying was like ” it’s safe now to relax. You’ve got time and space to let go and talk to me. I’m here and I’m listening etc”
Once I had relaxed I tuned into the parts of me that were in pain.
I began with my lower back. Breathing into it and giving it complete presence.
It could feel it relax and then I asked why it is tense. Images came in my mind of me rushing around busy only tending to the never-ending list of the outside world and the feeling in my lower back intensified.
Then the words “More presence needed”
So I realised that to begin understanding the pain in my back more presence is needed in everything I do.
Yep, great got it. Mum of four! Homeschooling! No surprises there!
Next, I went to my upper chest.
My lungs and chest have been really suffering from experiencing huge grief in my life of last year but this felt different so I tuned in to it and spoke kindly letting it know I was here and listening.
Suddenly my mind was filled with images that move my very soul.
Women. Oracles. Witches. Seers. Priestesses. Plant women.
My heart ached.
It ached for a time when that was me. When visions and rituals were my life. When I was so entwined with the unseen, the earth and stars that I was neither here or there.
I was in betwixt.
When the plants spoke to us all and we listened!
When the air was static with so much magic that all the worlds merged and blended.
My heart knows that life.
It yearns for that life.
Here I am.
Mother of four in a very different world indeed to that of my heart.
Don’t get me wrong there is plenty of magic but it can feel clunky at times. It’s a journey to get there in this chaotic reality of a Mum.
Our women are very much getting restless with our current culture.
But still, I found myself sobbing. Feeling so far away from the visions of my heart and soul.
And then a beautiful vision made its way into my being. The one below.
At first, I saw these women in paintings that do something to me when I gaze upon them. They move me in unexplainable ways.
And then slowly emerged the infinity symbol being drawn with these women in one side.
On the other side was the word Motherhood.
And it kept being drawn from one to the other, one to the other, until I began to understand.
These women are us. They are what we once were, still are and will be, yet in a different form.
We mastered these ways in the mountains, caves, and caverns. On our own and in sacred groups.
We were burned, strangled and killed.
And now we return. In a new way.
We return as The Mother.
And so, is it a possibility to weave the wisdom gleaned from these lives gone by into modern life as a Mother?
Because you see, as I see it, our culture seems to see mothers in two ways.
Either dull and boring or a maiden who happens to have children.
What if I owned both the Magic Woman inside me and The mother I am and they became one.
This sat so nicely with me. This feels like my truth. This is the Visionary Mother I have been writing about and dreaming of. The tears began to settle and my heart felt more at ease. My chest more relaxed.
A lot made more sense and I went on to have a most beautiful day.
All from simply talking to myself.
No wonder it has been made strange or an insane thing to do by those that would like us to remain asleep.
For our bodies remember.
Our bodies know the truth.
Our bodies are powerful.
Our bodies speak to us.
May we remember who we truly are and what we are here to do.
May we take heed and listen to the intelligence of our bodies once more.